Posts in Dark humor
Room 113

Berlin; The hotel I’m staying in is clearly haunted. On every floor, each side of the wall is painted a different color. On my floor, the left side is blood red and the right side a manic yellow. It is very disconcerting and leaves one feeling lopsided. 

There are no cupboards or dressers in my room but across from my bed, there is a massive plastic coated blown up photo of a woman gently trying to remove her eye.

All other furniture in the room is oversized and on wheels. This includes the plush Goldilocks like chairs in the lobby downstairs. No one sits in these chairs. 

Earlier on, I opened my door on to hallway into pitch darkness. I let out a scream and had to use the flashlight app on my phone. I took two tentative steps when reluctantly one by one the bulbs slowly flickered on. 

“ Yessss” responded  the desk clerk when I asked about it. “Zay are all on motion zenzors.”

I will be sleeping with the bathroom light on. If I sleep. 

Most horrifying of all, breakfast is not included.  

 Zweet Dreams.  

Zweet Dreams.  

Pembe is unsympathetic

A devastatingly good-looking man stopped me in the street today. 

“Excuse me,” he said, “but I believe this is yours. He placed a small fuzzy monkey on a keychain into my palm. 

“Pembe!” I shrieked and clutched him to my chest. 

“Thank you” I breathed up at the man. I  remembered that I had been eating tzatziki straight up like an animal with my hands and hadn’t gotten around to brushing my teeth. I also tried to suck in my stomach, but it was hard given that I am five months pregnant. 

“No problem,” he smiled and continued on his way. 

I stood for a moment staring at his elegant back, trying to remember when a guy had last stopped me in the street. 

“Oh Pembe,” I said sadly. 

“Whatever,” said Pembe, “He was probably gay. Call your husband.” 

So I did.